In the sky

In the sky with no lanes

With no lanes and trajectories to be drawn

with trajectories to be drawn by a free spirit

a spirit expanding its horizons

expanding its horizons into the skies unknown

into the skies unknown with an open mind

with an open mind to enter the virgin orifices

enter the virgin orifices with empty vessels

empty vessels to fill with the experiences

fill with  the experiences and condense them to fill more

fill more and densify again

densify again layer by layer

layer by layer until the vessel

until the vessel becomes deep and full

deep and full of quest for more

quest for more to unleash the core

unleash the core to the door

the door to the paths of

the paths of joy and perpetual bliss

perpetual bliss from the sky

from the sky with no lanes

Expectations and Memories

An expectation is the desired outcome from either self or external environment. Whatever be the case, expectations are futuristic in nature and are based on the past experiences.

Memories simply put as is the time spent object or a person.

The diversity and range of emotions which is a function of the time spent with each other defines the depth of any relationship. Since time is a flow, more the time spent with a person or an object, deeper would be the relationship.  

Germination of memories begins in the early childhood and, therefore, it is said that the blood relations are hardest to overlook and the school friendships last for the lifetime. They have traversed the trails of the life and have been with their companions in thick and thin.

The scenario seems to be changing nowadays.  The man hadn’t been this lonely in ages and depression wasn’t a major disease till some time ago. If the time spent with the smartphone is more than time spent with the person who spends your life with then, you would obviously take care of your phone more than your companion. Therefore, it is essential that we are conscious of the time that we are investing. Is it in the people and relationships or the objects around us? If one is choosing to invest it in the people, one needs to take care of it just like the smartphone. Keeping the relation safe and secure, devoting its time to make it feel special and wanted, regular repair, maintenance and charging them would be mandatory to keep it healthy.

With each passing moment, we have a choice. We are the creator of our own memories. Sow good memories in the present moment to relish the harvest at the later stage in life! 

Reciprocity of Relationships

What sets humans apart from other species is their ability to analyze, judge and take a conscious thoughtful decision. Humans have a control over their mind and hence can vary or tune the levels of emotions that they have towards people and objects around them.

There are various types of relationships that we humans build with both non-humans (animals and plants)  and other fellow humans.

Let’s understand them one by one. First would be the relationship between man and the living. For the sake of ease, let us take an example of pets. This relationship is very fulfilling to humans. Pets would be there to support us in the times of our need and provide emotional and mental support by their mere presence. Pets have also proved to be a great catalyst in developing positive personality traits and helping in various physical and mental ailments. They are there to play with you and lend their ears to listen to the problems in a nonjudgmental way, a punching bag to vent out all the frustrations arising out of the day’s work and in return would communicate their love and support to their companion non-verbally.  It seems words ruin what could be best expressed without them.

Another relationship would be the one between the living and the non-living beings. I have intentionally used the term “nonliving beings” here as I am including the relationship between humans and the divine (God, as per Hindu religion) as well. We humans are capable of converting a stone lying on the road into God with our faith. It is all in our mind’s capability to look at a stone and love and worship it as God or bring it home and carve a weapon/article out of it. In the case wherein we have faith and turn the stone into a God, we aren’t expecting the stone to love us back but we are sure that it does. The reciprocity is not expected in any form but is assumed to be there. This faith keeps the spark of hope alive and we move on in life. They say that faith can move mountains and we humans have exhibited that capacity as well.

There is another category of attachment that we have with numerous things that are a part of our daily lives and consciously or unconsciously become an integral part of our identity, These would include everything  from the city and the house we live in, to the room where we have spent quite some time, the chair we use on daily basis, favorite clothes that we wear, pen that we use etc. We tend to become possessive about them. This relationship is a one sided love affair. We wouldn’t want anyone else to use our belongings as we have attached so much value to it, however,those things wouldn’t mind being used by anyone else.( assumed as science has proved that they don’t have emotions) .

The interesting part to note here is that these emotions are built with things which have memories attached to them. The attachment for a new car is incomparable to an old one in which one has had great times with the closed ones and also had many life changing incidents.  These objects carry the insignia of the person attached.

When it comes to the relationship amongst humans things change. The expectations come into the picture. I see nothing wrong in that as it is based on the fact that the other person is also human and capable of expressing and attaching to another human emotionally.

Sometimes we need to treat the other human as that loving pet who would be there and support us unconditionally. But the question is that are we capable of being the same for someone?

Sometimes we need to understand that some relationships are like the one between a man and his favorite pen. The attachment is immense and there are no expectations from the pen than to function as it is designed to. The pen also keeps its commitment till its life without any amendments, expectations.   Do we have the intention to become that pen for somebody?  

The last being the full fledged complex relationship between two humans wherein there are multiple factors playing in including love, hatred, acceptability, desires, expectations, loyalty, jealousy, possessiveness, obsession, happiness etc. 

It depends on person to person as to how is one treating the relationship. Is it devotion which is intrinsically unconditional and void of expectations and goes beyond the boundaries of self? Or is it the one wherein there is an immense attachment but there are terms and conditions that it is valid till the time when the other person behaves as per pre-set norms.

And the last one is like a thunderstorm or a roller coaster ride. Are you ready for ups and swings and highs and lows trying to match between the crests and troughs!!

Saaransh- Movie Review

 

 

 

 

Saaransh ( 1984)

Cast:  Anupam Kher(as B.V. Pradhan), Rohini Hattangadi(as Parvati Pradhan), Soni Razdan(as Sujata Suman), Madan Jain (as Vilas Chitre), Suhas Bhalekar (as Vishwanath)

Writer and Director:- Mahesh Bhatt

Music:- Ajit Verman, Vasant Dev(lyrics)

 Review

Movies are generally meant for entertainment. Then there are some movies which are successful in leaving a lifelong impression about the realities of life within those 120 odd minutes. These become timeless as their concept will lose relevance only with humanity. Saaransh is one such classic.  A movie which even after 31 years of its release doesn’t give any sense of obsolesces. The struggle of hope is still fresh and significant. 

An unconventional movie, where the lead actors represent a not so popular segment of the society; an old aged  couple. After 3 decades, I find a lot of people around me who have sent their children abroad to study or work and are living alone in their homeland. They would flaunt their children being abroad but deep within would be suffering from loneliness.  The taboos of the society in terms of accepting a woman aspiring for a not so socially acceptable career, living alone as a Paying Guest and having an affair still have their presence in society.

The movie portrays a stark interplay of the vicissitudes of the extremities of human emotions. The situations which intensify the swirl of emotions and make someone stoic are displayed. It exhibits the response of humans when they reach a stage where the life seems meaningless, hollow and one wants to put an end to it. It exposes the brutalities and cruelties of life and is deeply moving on the portrayal of despair and hope during the course of time. It shows the after effects on death on the people lived by.

B.V. Pradhan (Anupam Kher), a veteran freedom fighter, an atheist, struggles through a myriad of emotions including a stage of stoicism in the movie. He struggles with feelings and attempts to commit suicide; believing that it is better to die in respect than to live in humiliation. The same man, who was once not even desired to live, transforms into a fearless man full of zeal, grit, passion and belief when he finds the purpose of his life.  He who could go to any levels in order to protect the paying guests life. As a debutante, at an age of 28, he has played a role of a 60year old man and it seems nobody else could have done it better.

Parvati Pradhan(Rohini Hattangadi), his wife, on the other hand, is an ardent believer of God. Faith is a very strange emotion. If put at wrong places, can prove to be disastrous and the absence of it is also no good. That is one reason that researchers have proved that those who are religious remain hopeful towards life and hence are less likely to be depressed as compared to those who are not.

Losing your child is undoubtedly the greatest grief that a parent can have in their life. This movie shows a struggle in bearing the deep loss. A reason to find a meaning in life when all seem to have lost is essential.

The movie begins with the old man obsessed with the memories of his only son who was killed by goons in New York. It is excruciatingly painful to accept such harsh truth. The old man was in a state of denial and dreamt of his son and would also wake up in the middle of the night and write letters only to realize that the reader is no longer alive.

When B.V. Pradhan (Anupam Kher)attempts committing suicide, his wife offers to go along with him and he readily accepts it. Those scenes make your heart skip a beat when you see the husband offering poison to his wife to fulfill her desire of dying as a non- widow.  The movie shows a beautiful transition in the belief regarding suicide. When B.V. Pradhan (Anupam Kher)wanted to commit it, he believed that one needs the courage to commit a suicide. Later towards the end of the movie when Parvati Pradhan(Rohini Hattangadi) accepts the fact that her son is dead and won’t come back, she offers to end her life with her husband and that’s when B.V. Pradhan (Anupam Kher)realizes that suicide isn’t courageous. You need bravery to stand up, find a purpose and live.

On numerous occasions, the movie has shown that though people are running in a race and are probably forgetting the ethics and human values being desired to be exhibited by one human being towards another, humanity is still alive. Be it the scene where B.V. Pradhan (Anupam Kher) had to go to superior authorities to collect the ashes of his dead son from the customs or when he had to meet and plead to the Minister ( who turned out to be his student   )to save the lady from Election aspirants goons from aborting the baby . On one hand, there is a dirty play of power and politics, yet there are proofs that the human values are not yet dead.

The movie proves the quote that when all is lost, hope remains.

The love and the deep connection between the old couple are worth observing. The care and concern for each other, the acceptance of differences in thoughts, taking a decision to end the lives together and then to support each other at various points is commendable.

The struggles of a female are also one of the beads in the thread of the movie. Sujata (Soni Razdan) blindly trusts her boyfriend to marry her while she is bearing his child. Vilaas(Madan Jain) son of the politician, remains spineless to take a stand and continues to fool around for most of the time.  Despite this, Sujata is headstrong and decides to do go ahead with her decisions not depending on anyone.

The character of Suhas as Vishwanath shows the importance of having a genuine best friend who sticks through thick and thin, who understand you in and out.

Towards the last leg of the movie, Anupam Kher realizes that his real partner is his wife and takes her out for her daily morning walk which was routine with Vishwanath. His best friend isn’t jealous but believes that he is like Lakshman.

 Movie ends on a very philosophical note, the last dialogue when they see that the place where Anupam Kher had unclenched his wrist full of ashes, has transformed into a beautiful patch full of budding flowers, he says that “ there is an end to you, there is an end to me, but there is no end to life” . Just like the universal laws, life can also be only transformed from one form to another. The human body goes to ashes and bloomed as flowers.  It represents the completion of the cycle of life and death.

Take away quote from the movie, “ Tumhari jhurriyo main to mere jeevan ka saaransh hai” ( Gist of my life lies in the wrinkles of your face).

Overall a power pack  full exploring and struggling with questions about  life, death, faith, love, commitment, betrayal, solace, peace, acceptance, devastation and above all hope, would unfailingly leave you spellbound. The movie is well woven and has intrinsically fabricated so many aspects that there isn’t a moment of lull.

The songs were successful in giving imbibing a meaningless and depressing thought in the mind. I really liked the following lines from one of the songs:-

“Aasma hai wahi aur wahi hai zamin

Hai makaan gair ka gair hai ya hami”

 

Tidbits about the movie:-

•         India's official entry for the 1985 Oscars in the Best Foreign Language Film category

•         Debutant Anupam Kher was only 28 at the time, but his performance as the 60-plus retired headmaster BV Pradhan bagged him the Filmfare Award for Best Actor.

Dor- Movie Review

 

 

Dor, literally meaning a string or rope. The purpose of this particular object is to connect two or more distant things. The  title of the movie is well justified wherein  people unrelated or distant in terms of region, religion , gender (referring to Shreyas Talpade) are connected with a string, string of hope . Unlike the typical bollywood movies, wherein all the humanly or beyond humanly or the heroic characteristics are framed to be exhibited by the male actors, the lead actors of this movie are “actresses” who have both superbly justified their roles.

The movie has dared to go beyond the stereotype and shown a glimpse of the valor, strength and courage of the other gender too.

 The young , pretty and innocent Meera(Aisha Takia) from a typical Rajasthani family is full of enthusiasm and loves to go beyond the restrictions of enjoying a dance and dreams of a life full of love with her husband but is not daring to go beyond the impositions and has accepted the life as it has been presented to her. On the other hand,  Zeenat (Gul Panag) from Himachal has dared to do carve out life at her own terms.

The condition of widows and a glimpse of what mental turmoil they had to (quite a lot still go through) in parts of the country are well exhibited. It made me realize that the society has imbibed a feeling in females from very early in their childhood that their source of happiness lies with someone else and this someone else is typically a man. In childhood, that man is either her father or brother on whom she is dependent mentally and economically. She is made to believe that she isn’t capable of taking care of herself and hence has to resort to the strengths of her brothers and father to protect her and guide her in deciding the trails of the path that she would walk. After matrimony, she takes pride in her husband, who she is made to believe is the sole source of her happiness. Mind it, only happiness, for all sorrows, she herself is responsible.  The widow is deprived of all sorts of pleasure, joy or any sort of happiness as to suffer in grief till her death. The society snatches away the basic right of being happy. The role of Dadi(grandmother ) depicts as to what happens when they go through it. The accumulated grief and feeling of being out casted from a normal life enthralls jealousy. They loathe when others from the same gender are happy. However the change in heart happened in the movie when she sees her own grand-daughter-in law to suffer from the same. The sense of belongingness is such that a lot of people feel happy or satisfied when others suffer from the same pain as they have been. It gives them a pleasure to have a companion in grief and because it satisfies their need of belongingness.

Girish Karnad’s role left me wondering about the sanctity of relationships. He sent off his son to earn in order to repay the debt for his haveli at the cost of happiness of his family members. Moreover, when he agreed to trade off his daughter-in-law for his greed to satisfy the false pride of social repute relating to the ownership of the haveli, it instilled a fear of probably not trusting the intentions of materialistic human ever. You never know he may trade off anything , reminded me of the famous gamble in Mahabharata.

The role of Zeenat( Gul Panag), proves again that if you want something bad enough, the universe conspires to bring it to you. She only had one objective clear in her head and she received support on the way, from the truck driver, from the Behroopiya( Shreyas Talpade) to reach her destination.

The importance of friendship and a heartily connection between people for a happy life is also illustrated. We seek connecting with people, who inspire us to grow, move out of the cocoon and more than anything, inspires to be happy. The take away statements from the movie “You need to decide the course of your happiness. The actions that you take are your decisions for your happiness but then you should also have the strength to face the consequences.

The last scene, wherein Meera(Aisha Takia) hands over the forgiveness note to the Zeenat (Gul Panag)and then after a while when Zeenat lends her hand inviting her to join in the journey was exquisite. The expressions made words unnecessary. Any dialogue would have spoilt the moment. Non verbal communications are less likely to be left to misinterpretations sometimes.  

 I couldn’t help but compare the scene with DDLJ when Shahrukh lends his hand for Kajol. The differences were that firstly, the previous doors of the train coach in DDLJ were open and Kajol could have entered through the previous door, whereas in Dor, the other doors were closed .Technical team’s responsibility probably. Secondly, Kajol was running to Shahrukh to find her happiness in the hero while Aisha Takia was running to Gul Panag for her own happiness.  

The movie also has a melodious sound track. The song “Ye Hosla” is one of the most inspirational songs that bollywood has given.  The Rajasthani folk song “Kesariya Balam” beautifully portrays the yearning while inviting someone to visit your homeland.  

Overall, it is a movie inspiring to break the norms which chain the inner happiness to the ground, a message to display the power of the string of hope to convert into a rope of hope with strength of the magnitude to change the lives, a motivation to unleash the happiness potential curbed and cornered by false impression of the strength lying in others with a caution to take responsibility and ownership of the actions and subsequent consequences.

Trip to the Heaven on Earth!

Being born and brought up in the "Kashmir of Rajasthan", I always had the desire to see the real Kashmir!  I was fortunate to have a colleague at work who belongs to Srinagar and got an invitation for her wedding! I have been waiting for this for years and finally it happened.  They say that a solo journey is a soul journey and I couldn't find a better opportunity than this extending this trip in the valleys of Kashmir. 

I waved goodbyes to my friends who were going back to Delhi  from the trip after the wedding . I returned back to the houseboat and felt a sudden emptiness. I realized that I was on my own in this state which was almost foreign to me. Now onwards, in this journey  I was supposed to make all the decisions and take care of all the travel , stay and food arrangements which by far was done by my friends. I was in Srinagar at that moment and it was morning 4.47 am . I was all alone in the entire Houseboat and  a wave of sudden fear crossed my mind. I hadn't spoken to my parents for the past 4 days now and they had no clue about my extended solo trip. But then there was the excitement of doing the abandoned . This is what I have been longing to do for very long. Specially after the year long stressful period at work, I badly needed this time all by myself. I have done it earlier and that too in a different land altogether , so that brought back the confidence and I went back to sleep for a few more hours before I left for my journey. 

I packed my bag and  went to the Tourist Reception Centre at  to find a Bus for Sonamarg.  I was told that a bus was fully occupied and was going to Leh. I was offered to be accommodated in the front cabin next to the driver. What best could I have asked for? The perfect seat in the entire bus! The bus had a young and a old couple from abroad and a group of young men and women from Delhi going for a Ladakh trip. The journey began. The driver and the conductor spoke to me about my stay so far and the plans ahead. They also kept informing me about the various landmarks on the way like the NIT, Srinagar and other institutes and the landmarks while we crossed the city. 

 The strategic seat made the journey all the more beautiful . I could change postures so many times and relaxingly enjoyed watching the natural scenic beauty;the springs and the rivers and the mountains and the greenery!

 The driver stopped at a mid way restaurant for tea and breakfast. The restaurant was facing the river and I could hear the sound of flowing water and wind gushing. I enjoyed a Kahwa and Aloo paratha, made on special recommendation of the driver.  The driver was over-friendly. He asked me at least three times to join for Leh, then said that I can stay there for free and wouldn't have to incur any cost on travelling too! Its just strange, that when someone is being nice to you, you actually doubt their intentions . They might actually be nice or being hospitable, but then human mind is hard wired for mistrusting. 

 He then played some old hindi songs in the bus. He also stopped to get me fresh walnuts from the tree. Hadn't I tasted them,  I would have never realized the difference between the dried and fresh walnuts. I then found some more later in Srinagar and bought a few more to relish. 

Fresh Walnuts and peeled walnuts.

When I reached Sonamrg, the driver and the conductor gave me their numbers and asked me to contact them for any requirements. The Conductor's son had an export Business near the Dal Lake. He suggested me to visit his shop too. 

They then arranged a hotel room for me too. I didn't like that room so much so told them to hold for half an hour till I come back. I then proceeded to Yatri Niwas, a unit of Sonamarg Development Authority. I got a very beautiful room for Rs.700 after negotiation  as the season was lean. 

The room at Yatri Niwas from the outside 

When I checked my phone to make a call, I found out that the Vodafone post paid connection didn't work there. It was a mixed feeling. For a moment I was disheartened to know that I couldn't connect with my friends but then this was a way to connect to nature and the present moment and disconnect from the technological world. After checking in, I arranged for a pony with the help of the Hotel Manager and then proceeded for a pony ride to the Thajwas glacier. 

The journey was splendid,the snow capped mountains, the green pastures and peaceful silence. There weren't many tourists so most of the journey was only me and my ponywala. He taught me to how to use the  Lagaam as steering and break and thereafter I did it well.  

The pony stopped halfway to the glacier and I was supposed to trek to the top of it. It was a very steep trek and I took baby steps . On the way up, there were many boulders which were slippery. While I was climbing.  two men came offering me to hold their hands to reach the top. I denied them a few times and then when I was about to slip on those boulders, I held hand of one of the men. The other man held my right hand and took me to the glacier which was hardly 10 steps away. I had stepped on the snow for the first time in my life and I slipped to realize the friction between my shoes and snow was less.

I was breathless at the moment both due to the steep uphill climbing and mesmerized with the beauty and finally achieving the dream of seeing snow and glacier. I was still in the moment trying t absorb it  when the men there suggested me to sit and breathe for a while. As there was snow all over, they suggested me to sit on the wooden sledge. I had no intentions of taking a sledge ride, the moment I saw it. I thought they were genuinely asking me to sit and breathe and would ask them to take a ride after I am fine. The moment I sat on the wooden sledge., the boy sitting on the sledge, lifted my legs and wooooosh, the sledge ran downwards! I shouted that I didn't want to take this ride and they said that you come to Kashmir only once so you should have it, but then I was already in the middle of the ride!!  After reaching the end, the guy asks me to pay  1000 bucks for sledge and extra 200 for helpers ( I thought they were helping people in need and had no clue that the smile that they were giving was a service to be paid for! ).

 There was a hue and cry and a quarrel. I reminded myself that this place was very secluded and not many tourists were there. Moreover I was all by myself and as a cherry on iceberg, there was no network in ,my phone, oh and I was in Kashmir, already infamous , so no point fighting more. So I finally paid 600 Rupees after so much of  cacophony.

While on the way back,, the pony wala took a different route where  there was a small waterfall from the spring water.  I emptied the water from the mineral water bottle purchased for 40 bucks and filled it with spring water which lasted for next few days. I was dead tired by the time I reached back to Yatri Niwas and slept off.

Sonamarg

 I woke up with a knock on my door saying" Madam khana ha lo warna dukane band hi jayegi." I checked the time in my phone( The only use of phone that time) and it was 8 pm.  I went to the Jai Vaishno dhaba and had Gujarati kadi khichdi for dinner and came back. I could see two bicycles of a foreigner couple in their late 40's going to Leh. There were 3 more bikers going to Leh who were staying there. My craving for going to Leh ladkah just increased by seeing all these adventurous travellers . It was a cold night. I went back to my room. gazed at the stars for sometime( something that I really long for in Noida and all I get to see are the airplanes)  and slept off.

Woke up in the morning,packed my bag and went to check out. The hotel manager asked me for breakfast and then I told that I wanted to have Kashmiri tea. He offered me to have tea with them. I was more than happy to have it. We went to the kitchen of the Yatri Niwas restaurant. The Restaurant was closed as the Sonamarg Development Authority could not find a contractor to run the restaurant. The kitchen was therefore used by the staff for cooking their own meals. There were 5 of us, sipping hot salted Kashmiri tea with the Kashmiri Roti for breakfast.

Kashmiri salted Tea with Kashmiri Roti

 We chatted for a long while . They told me that while I was enjoying my sleep upstairs in my room, they had a sleepless night worrying about a solo female passenger in the almost lonely Yatri Niwas. We discussed about how the foreigners travel and they shared their experiences that a lot of them don't trust them and get offended on any important useful advice too.

Sonamarg is a ecologically sensitive area so in order to preserve the natural beauty, the authorities have prohibited construction of hotels. They also told me that Sonamarg is open only for 6 months  and during the winters people go downhill to stay as the entire Sonamarg is covered with snow. I was wondering, how do they cover the hotels and reopen during March.  The nature makes the same place, unfit for habitation for some time and on others you can just admire it . Nature is indeed all powerful.   I bid a farewell to them hoping to come back sometime.

 At he bus stand, I was told that he only bus which goes to Srinagar had already left. I had to take a Taxi to Kangan and then from kangan another one to Srinagar.

 I sat in one of the taxis and just after 5 minutes, the driver came and said that I was really lucky as he just found a group going to Kangan so I didn't have to wait for long.The luck just vanished when he found out that there was some other driver, who took his passengers( as per the rules of the Sumo Taxi Union, it was his turn ) in his vehicle.

There was huge fight between the two drivers and around 50-60 men surrounded the taxi in which I was sitting. They were all speaking in Kashmiri and pointing out repetitively towards me.

 There was another man who was sitting in the drivers seat ( I assumed him to be the driver at first). He started speaking very sweetly to me about my travels and stay etc. Then he asked if I was a Jain. I suddenly realized the reason behind it. The recent ban on meat by Prime Minister and the various protests going on in Kashmir about it made him curious .

 He tried to scare me off by saying that it isn't safe for me to travel alone anywhere, so its better I take some Kashmiri with him( pointing to himself). 

Then , he tried to make the best out of situation( while there were men grabbing collars of each other and shouting and pointing towards me) by telling me to go with him by booking the entire cab till the midway place kangan. He was ready to give me a discount of 100 rupees. By the shared taxi, I had to pay 70 Rupees, and with him, I had to pay 600/-!

With my refusal, vanished the sweetness in his conversations. He after a while came and sat in the taxi, played a typical  Urdu song/( somehow felt like a  religious prayer)  in full volume. I was super-annoyed and irritated. I was about to ask him to stop playing at least 4 times and realized that I was alone and didn't have any network in phone too. So I shut my mind and sat quietly.

 I waited for 1.5 hrs for fellow passengers to come before the journey begin from Sonamarg to Kangan. The road journey was again wonderful. I could see the streams originating from the glaciers merging into the river. These were the statements only read in the books so far.

I reached the small town of Kangan and went back to Srinagar. I took a auto ride to the Tourist reception Centre to proceed to Gulmarg. When I enquired for the bus to Gulmarg, I was told that I couldn't visit Gulmarg as it was closed. It was afternoon around 1 pm.

I called up the driver who was with my group for the past few days and he told me that there was some accident in Gulmarg and therefore one couldn't go there. I then visited the Pari Mahal, Chashme Shahi, had lunch and did some shopping . It was a very sunny day so I couldn't enjoy much,

I then went for a Shikara ride. The Shikara man asked for 1000 for a 3 hour long boat ride. While talking he said that he also owns a houseboat. I saw the room in the houseboat. It was very pretty and looked comfortable so I decided to stay there for the day. The shikara ride was beautiful. I sent a postcard to my home from the floating post office in the dal lake, India's only floating Post Office.

 I had an exquisitive icecream, on the shikara called "Gulbadan"  the seller says" phoolo si mahak aur kaanto si chamak wali gulabadan! " 

Gulbadan! 

 Wasim Bhai, the shikara man, made a garland of the lily flower and presented it to me!I saw the floating market, did some shopping and went to the houseboat.

The Lily Garland

The family owners daughter Safwa was a very cute and lively girl. She made me make paper boats and planes for 2 hours and we saw how far did they go. She also insisted that we wrote our names on the boats. Man's desire of embarking its presence and identity is indeed imbibed since childhood. It was just a wonderful feeling to be a kid again and make paperboats. At first I was doubting if I still remembered making them. We tore away  pages from 2 notebooks!

The early next day morning I fed the beautiful ducks which came in front of the houseboat. Some pleasures in life are in doing just these little things.

Writing names on the paper boats

Feeding the Ducks!

Watching the boats go far!

 I took a auto ride to Nishat bag, Shalimar bag and Hazratbal. There was a hartal and all these tourist destinations were also affected. No shops were opened and the interior roads were also empty. It was a spooky scary feeling while the auto ride was going through the interiors . It seemed a curfew like situation. I was wondering whether the silence was awaiting a protest or post one.

As there was no where else I wanted to go, I  spent next four peaceful lovely hours in the shikara and visited the Chaar Chinar( the four maple trees, yes the same, Shahrukh Khan wali Mohabatein movie leaves wala tree)  in Dal lake.I finally took a picture in the Kashmiri dress too. 

Chaar Chinaar

The trip was almost over and I realised that I hadn't taken any souvenirs for loved ones back at home. I went to the street market across and found out that I was duped by the Shikara wale salesmen, who managed to sell me a item for 10 time the price it was selling for outside the lake! 

Papermache Souvenirs!

Anyways, lessons learnt the hard way.  I got some papermache balls and bells as souvenirs and went back to sleep to catch an early morning flight back to Delhi. Hoping to come back to Kashmir and visiting the Land of Leh and Ladakh soon and dreaming of experiencing the snowfall this winters! 

Dealing with Uncomfortable Conversations!

So , you come across situations where in you avoid a conversation in a fear.

It may be telling truth to your loved ones, or giving an honest feedback or expressing your emotions towards an act of  somebody which has been there on your mind for long.

The major reasons for calling such conversations uncomfortable is because of the feelings and emotions associated with them and the fears that we have in our minds. The following could be the fears that we have:-

1) The response of the person may not be a positive one or rather a reactive response.

2) You just want to avoid a confrontation

3) You don't want to hurt the other person's feelings.

4) It might damage the relationship or the rapport or the degree of comfort you have with the person

Given these set of fears, it is important to analyze the importance of having this conversation. If you avoid it, its just going to be suppressed and will accumulate over the period of time, but one day eventually be vented out in some other form.

The other is to deal with it right away and not keep any hard feelings/ honest opinions/feedback in your heart. This if dealt with carefully, not only deepen the relationship that you have with the person , but also make you more confident about dealing with the conversations and will leave you with a lighter heart.

We have come across a lot of situations wherein having a communication reveals, how we were completely wrong about perceiving something.

So how do we actually go about it.

There just three major steps to think through:-

1) Confronting your own emotions of discomfort. In a lot of cases, they are unfounded. I experienced this recently with a colleague, wherein both of us thought that the other person has some problem and hence we were avoiding each other. However, once we spoke, we found it was just out of misunderstandings that this entire chain was started and grew deeper during the next few months till we communicated.

2) Focus on the end result:-  What is that  I want from this conversation, with that person. So if I am giving somebody a honest feedback about something , whether its about something that they( friends, subordinates, family) have written or designed, or performed an official task, the intent is that  I want a quality improvement in the work and eventually help then groom and grow. So focusing on the intent which is positive, makes your task easier.

3) Solution orientation:-  As the end goal is to improve the relationship and restore a healthy footing, its important to offer a solution at the end of conversation.  You may suggest alternative ways of bringing in improvements. In relationships, you could figure out different ways to improve upon by discussing the desired behaviors or whatsoever is the issue.

I have tried this personally at both professional and  personal levels and have found that in most of the cases, the fears are unfounded and the other person has also been struggling with this fear of uncomfortable conversation!

You could try it too!